Do we fight fair?

 Fighting fair means you disagree without trying to destroy each other. Most couples don’t break up because they fight. They break up because they fight dirty.

Here’s what fair vs unfair looks like:

*Fair fighting:*

- You talk about the thing that happened, not who someone is. “I felt ignored when you didn’t text back” vs “You’re always selfish”

- You take turns talking. One person speaks, the other listens without cutting in

- You stick to one issue. You don’t drag up fights from 3 months ago

- You say what you need. “I need 20 minutes to cool down, then let’s talk” instead of storming out for 2 days

- You repair after. You come back, apologize for your part, even if it’s just “I’m sorry I raised my voice”

*Unfair fighting:*

- Name calling, insults, bringing up looks, money, family

- Stonewalling: shutting down, refusing to talk for days to punish

- Yelling or threatening to leave every time you’re upset

- Playing victim or making the other person apologize for everything

- Bringing in past mistakes to win the current argument

*Quick test:* After a fight, do you feel closer to understanding each other, or farther apart and more hurt? If it’s always the second one, you’re not fighting fair.

Want to try it? Next time tension comes up, pause and say: “I’m upset about X. Can we talk about it without blaming?” That one sentence changes the whole pattern.